its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sext me about skeletons
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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