Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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