I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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