I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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