A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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