I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
nutella sex= disaster
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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