my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
