ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
