from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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