who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
