I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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