If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
