Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
