Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
