Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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