Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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