i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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