Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Your cock deserves a montage
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
