it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
