What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
