I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Sober January is a disaster.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
