I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
