you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
