do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
