dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
