I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
