this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
