Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Farmville is her only friend.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
