If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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