batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Come on in and take your pants off
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