Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
