false alarm. still invincible.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
