can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
