omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
