I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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