I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
