so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
