If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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