so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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