His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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