i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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