Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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