Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
