I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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