I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We are two peas in an std pod
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
