I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
