haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
