He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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