I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize