I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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