Define "chronic" masturbator.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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