you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
