"it" just moved
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
