Buhtt sex?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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