this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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