I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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