I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
