she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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