theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
