is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
