i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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