I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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