Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
