All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
