It's Friday. Sex?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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