so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
