The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
