I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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