the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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