I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
