So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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