i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
