can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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