i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
