i dedicated my morning wood to you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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