His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
