Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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