I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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