Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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