There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The air was thick with penises
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
