I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
