i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
