So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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